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Over the
years, I've pondered and questioned just WHAT the martial
arts are for ME.
When I first started training,
back in '73 (or '74?), it was simple. I wanted to be able
to kick butt. No question about it. I wanted to be Bruce
Lee, Kwai Chang Kane, Bruce Tegner and James Bond (all fictional
characters, more or less) all rolled into one.
Fortunately, I survived that and
moved on, mostly due to my having come under the tutelage
of my uncle in '75. He'd been a Budo Bum since 1946, when
he took his first jujutsu lesson as a young Marine. And before
that, he'd been a boxer and had seen his share of scraps
in the street growing up in St. Louis.
As I began training
under him, I realized something was different, but it took
a long time to really sink in. He let me have a glimpse
at something more, hinted that budo was something more than
fighting/self defense/combat, and gave me the tools to
explore the ideas he offered.
Over the years (with and without
his blessing), I delved into competition (no-contact, full-contact,
pads, bare knuckles, etc etc., etc. ... fun stuff, but
only a very small part of what budo can be. I sought combat-efficiency,
I distilled and modified what I was doing in terms of
developing a solid system of self defense, I explored the
historical, spiritual and philosophical aspects of the arts
and I continued to train, learn and seek.
Eventually, however,
I found myself drifting away from discussions of close-quarters
combat, improvised weapons and self defense. I found myself
turning once again to the 'simple' things ... the kihon,
kata and core philosophies.
The 'practical' aspects of
my training ceased to revolve around combat and began to
center on the personal journey.
Today, nearly 30 years later,
am I still interested in self-defense, combat-effectiveness,
fitness, reality-based MA training? Hell no. I posted a bit
of a rant on www.e-budo.com recently
about this very thing, in fact. Someone there pointed out that
boxers are in great shape compared to most MA folks and suggested
that we should train more like boxers so we'd be 'better'
MA practitioners.
Torque that. I like my
beer and good food and I hate running. And
I'm 45 years old. I can't, don't want to, will not, train
like I did when I was 20 or 25. Hell, I've been shot at and
missed, stabbed and sliced, stitched up and stapled and have
determined (for me, anyhow) that the best defense is not
to be there in the first place.
The benefits of training
in the martial arts have little or nothing to do with self
defense or combat anymore. Some 'serious' martial artists
would say that I've wasted those years, and continue to
do so. I disagree.
In some circles, there is debate
about why people train, and for me, the answer is too complex
for simple labels. And the very question and exploration
thereof is as intensely personal as religion might be to
some.
Was my training recreation? In
part, yes. Budo training has always been a great deal of
fun; I truly enjoy the physical and mental exertion as well
as the community and social aspects.
Is it something NOT
recreational? Again, yes. For me, I can truly say that
my budo training has saved my life. Probably more than once.
And not necessarily because I fought my way out of a life-threatening
situation, either; far more the life-lessons I've learned
(and yeah, learning how to fall half-way properly helps).
It has been as much a spiritual journey as a physical one.
Is budo recreational for me today?
Hell yeah. Is it part of my life's work? Yep. Is it a part
of my spirituality and personality? Oh yeah.
That, to me,
makes it more an avocation than recreation, but it's all
semantics, I suppose.
When I retire (someday, please
Lord?), I'll probably teach full-time, do more research,
do some writing, do lots of training (gently and quietly,
mostly, thankyouverymuch). Budo has been very much a life's
work for me, as opposed to my job, which is that 8-9 hours
of annoyance I endure every workday in order to live the
life I do and to be able to practice, train and teach budo.
When I no longer have to keep the job online, I will make
budo my full-time vocation.
Until then, I still have to
pay the bills ... I guess the bottom line for me, anyhow,
is that it's far too complex a piece of my life to simply
classify as recreation (in which category I place hiking,
playing games, bicycling, sampling various beers and whiskys,
the occasional racquetball game, reading novels and watching
movies).
Yes, I think that nearly 30 years
worth of effort, pain, joy, love, distraction, sweat, tears
and frustration in the dojo means more to me than a trip
to the gym or library.
Does that make me arrogant? Some
folks are pretty convinced I'm an arrogant SOB anyway (and
they're probably right). I've been accused (mainly because
I don't accept as a student just anyone who comes to the
dojo) and am just mainly amused by the accusation.
Am I a
koryu snob? Sort of. I think of it more as being a koryu
proponent. I also like much of what gendai budo has to
offer and believe that the individual must find an art in
which he or she is comfortable. Koryu isn't for everyone,
and neither is gendai budo.
However, I also believe that
folks who do either ought to be aware of what the other
side has to offer and how they relate to each other. My road
is the middle one.
I practice an art that is arguably
neither gendai nor koryu. We've got roots in some of the
old styles (the subject of my research projects), but
we also have direct and strong ties to gendai folks. I think
it's shortsighted to say one is better than the other,
because they are (all historical wrangling aside) not all
that different, in the end.
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